Everybody Kills Off Sasuke!
by Happy Lil' Tidbit
Summary: Personally, I think Sasuke's asking for a swift kick in the rump, so I decided to let everybody kill him. Not in honorable ways either. Read on as Sasuke is killed by everybody in every way! A must read for Sasuke haters! Rated for swearing and death.
1. Naruto's Kill

Naruto's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. 'Nuff said.

**A/N: So I think Sasuke's an ass, so I'm gonna have everybody kill him off. Yeah. He had it coming. Enjoy the Emo bashing fun! Starting with the main character, of course!**

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Naruto was angry. It was always Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke! And boy, was he sick of it. He was surprised that the producers of the show hadn't yet said, "Aw, hell." and rename the show after him.

"Just look at him," mumbled Naruto bitterly. "He's got all the attention, girls, everything!" He slammed his fist down on the table. Only one solution came to mind.

"Sasuke has to _die_!"

"He quickly burst out of his apartment, and ran through the streets of Konoha, looking for the last of the Uchiha clan.

He eventually found him being emo and angsty in the shadows under the bridge, much like the trolls from those fairy tales we have all read as children. Apparently, nobody has yet told him that self-pity only destroys you.

"Hello, Sasuke," Naruto said sweetly, a fake grin plastering his face. 'If you are done cutting yourself, would you like to come over to my house for some ramen?"

"What makes you think that I'm cutting myself?" Sasuke the troll asked.

"Gee, I don't know. The kunai at your wrist kind of gives me suspicions though," Naruto replied sarcastically. "So are you coming over, or what?"

"No," Angsty replied as he quickly put the kunai away.

"Please! I'll leave you alone!"

"Yeah, right,"

"I'll let you have my show!" Naruto said, as he crossed his fingers behind his back.

Emo Boy raised an eyebrow. "Really? Fine then."

The Uchiha followed Naruto to his apartment where he began to make ramen, but not just any ramen, good friends, no. He was making _killer_ ramen.

He managed to find some expired ramen and milk way past it's expiration date (We're talking like, the milk was one step closer to being cheese, here.), then he found some mud that he got from the training grounds, should this day ever come. He added it to the rancid ramen, and stirred it around a bit. He then added a whole bunch of other things to the mix, some being thumbtacks, others being rat poison.

Anyways, when he was done making the ramen, which was actually more of a science experiment gone horribly wrong, it would've given Chef Gordon Ramsay himself a heart attack and possibly a funeral afterwards. Naruto smiled at it.

"It's perfect," he said to himself.

He scooped some of it into a bowl, which was proving to be difficult considering that the substance kept eating through the spoon, and carried it out to the Angst Monkey.

"Here you go!" Naruto cried happily.

Whiny snatched it from him. "About damn time," he snapped. He luckily didn't see what Naruto had done to it, for he was too busy complaining about life. Naruto watched with glee as he took bite after bite of the deadly ramen. He finished it all, and then put the empty bowl to the side. He looked up at Naruto.

"What the hell are you smiling - " At this point in time, Emo sat there motionlessly, then fell over. Dead.

To make sure that Ramen Victim was really dead, Naruto yelled at him, poked him, kicked him in places, and cut off all his hair.

Yep. He was undoubtedly dead.

Naruto laughed maniacally. "Finally! I killed of the stupid ass! Now I can be the main character again!" He looked at the body on the ground. "But I just can't leave him there. After all, I _do_ have to live here . . . . I know!"

He ran off to the cabinets and pulled out a Glad brand garbage bag. "Glad. Depend on it!" He then grabbed Sasuke's leg and started stuffing him into it. After he had Sasuke fully inside, he tied off the ends, grabbed a pen, and wrote "Pervy Sage Did It! No Joke!!" on a piece of paper and taped it to the green plastic. He then threw the garbage bag out the window down to the earth below.

"And good riddance!!"

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**A/N: So how was that? Besides short. Lol! There's more coming! Next kill? It's a surprise!! Please review!**


	2. Sakura's Kill

Sakura's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or this is how it would have turned out. And Lee would get Sakura.

**A/N: Woo! Chapter 2! And I'm on a community!! (Sniff) I promised myself I wouldn't cry.**

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Sasuke walked down the road that led out of the Leaf Village. Unthankful Jackass was leaving Konohagakure to join Michael Jackson, er, I mean, Orochimaru to receive some severe power so he could defeat his brother, Itachi.

However, at that time, Sakura saw him leaving.

"You're not going to Orochimaru, are you Sasuke?" she asked, her voice trembling a bit.

"Yes, I am," Sasuke replied coldly. "For you see, I'm a whiny, little, angsty git, who refuses to give anybody the time of day, so this only makes sense for me."

Sakura ignored the little spiel, and instead ran up to him and hugged him tightly. _Very_ tightly.

"_Oh, please don't leave me, Sasuke! Please! Please! Please!_" she begged.

Angsty's eyes widened. Not because of what Sakura was saying, because he's an ass and doesn't give a care about her, or anything, but because Sakura was hugging him so tightly that she was crushing his insides.

"No," the git gasped as he felt a few of his ribs crack.

"Please stay!" she cried again, hugging him even tighter.

A broken rib stabbed his kidney. "No! No! No! No!"

"Stay with me!"

A rib stabbed up his liver. "Ahh! No!"

"Stay with me!"

A rib stabbed through his lung. Emo, to avoid having any more organs turned into pincushions, did what he could probably do best, besides being a back stabber; lie.

"Alright, Sakura! I won't leave! Just let go of me!" Liar cried.

"Yay! Sasuke's going to stay with me!" Sakura cheered happily. She let go of him, and that's when Whiny McWhinerson ran like hell to get out of the village, but Sakura body slammed him to the ground, where more ribs stabbed through his vital organs.

"Don't leave me! Don't leave me! Don't leave me!" Sakura wailed, smashing Duck Butt Hair's head against the ground.

"Stop! That! Now!" Emo Boy yelled between the smashes.

"But you'll leave me!" she screamed, continuing to beat Whiny's head like a cheap drum.

"No, I won't!" the traitor lied, as blood ran down his head and face.

Sakura let him go again, and the mangled boy dragged, yes, _dragged_, himself to the edge of the village hidden in the leaves. His fingertips just barely touched the edge of the village, when-

"Sasuke! No!" Sakura screamed as she jumped onto him. This time however, The Boy Who I am Running Out of Names For was squished onto a giant pointy rock below his chest.

Yep, that finished him off.

Sakura looked at the beaten, bruised, and not to mention, DEAD Uchiha on the ground. "This can't be good," she said. She dug a hole and dropped DEAD Uchiha inside and then filled it back up again. She then walked away, trying not to look suspicious.

"If all else fails, Akamaru did it."

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**A/N: Mwa ha ha! I feel so evil. ;) Yeah, I hated Sakura in that episode. NO BOY IS WORTH IT! So I put it to creative use. I'm doing a few more chapters like this (basing it off of past episodes). It's fun messing up with the plot. lol! Please review!**


	3. Lee's Kill

Lee's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**A/N: Woo!! Lee's kill!! Wait, Lee killed a guy?! No, it's just Sasuke. Lol!**

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Lee walked down the streets of Konoha feeling rather youthful that day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Emo Loser's little Emo rain cloud rained on Emo Loser's emo head as he walked up the path, mumbling to himself about sharper emo razors.

"Hello, Sasuke!" Lee yelled over to Git in a friendly tone. "Is it not a wonderful, youthful day to be alive and happy?!"

Ass glared emo daggers at Lee. "Shut up, Lee. For you see, I am too whiny and angsty to appreciate how good I have it here."

Lee looked at Angsty like he just killed Santa Claus right in front of him. "What kind of attitude is that?!" he cried. "You seem to have next to no youth in you at all!"

"That's right, Lee," the Unyouthful Emo replied. "I am old and bitter, just like a cranky seventy-year-old. Now get off my lawn before I call the ANBU."

Lee was taken aback. Not at all youthful? How could this be? "This is terrible!"

"Youth isn't important when it comes to killing off your brother," Angst Monkey said. "Now scram."

"What do you mean, 'Youth isn't important'?!" Lee screamed. "Of course it's important!"

"Whatever," Whiny McWhinerson sighed as he walked away, the little emo rain cloud following him.

Lee still had that look of Santa-Just-Got-Killed-In-Front-Of-Me Horror upon his face. He snapped out of it and slammed his fist in his hand. "I know! I will help Sasuke become youthful!"

He then ran home as fast as he could and started digging through his drawers and cabinets until he found a tape recorder and a blank cassette. He held them high over his head.

"I shall use the power of subliminal messages!" Lee announced loudly enough so that the left side of Otogakure could hear him.

"Kabuto, what was that?" Orochimaru asked from the Village Hidden in the Sound.

"It sounds like someone is about to use subliminal messages, my Lord," Kabuto answered.

"How come _we've_ never used subliminal messages before?!"

"I don't know, sir."

Meanwhile, back in Konohagakure, Lee had just set up his tape recorder in his kitchen. He cleared his throat, and pressed the record button.

"Youth," he said clearly. "Youth. Youth. Youth. . ."

This pattern went on for hours. When both sides of the tape were both used up, he stopped recording and walked over to The Unyouthful Angsty Emo's house.

Since it was the middle of the night, the Raven-Haired Jerk was asleep from drinking away his problems.

"Perfect," Lee said. He walked over to Ass' bed, taking notice of the black walls, the chains hanging on them and the spikes sticking out of them, and the Black Sabbath and Evanescence posters, and then placed the tape recorder beside Git's head and pressed play.

"_Youth. Youth. Youth. . ._"

Lee walked away as he smiled to himself. The next morning, Angsty Pants would be all happy and youthful, instead of being emo and pathetic.

XXX

"Hello, Sasuke!" Lee walked into Emo's room the next morning. "Are you feeling - AAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"What the hell was that?!" Orochimaru asked in Otogakure.

"It sounds like the sound of someone's seemingly good idea gone terribly wrong," Kabuto answered, pushing his glasses up his nose.

Back in Konohagakure, Lee was shaking Jack Ass's corpse violently, hoping that he was still alive. His attempts were in blissful vain, because Git was undoubtedly deceased.

Yes, good friends. Our not-so-good friend, Dead Loser has been _youthed_ to death.

"Oh, no! I didn't mean to kill him!" Lee cried, letting Dead Emo drop to the floor. "I just wanted to make him youthful! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!"

A bunch of people who were reading this all nodded their heads and passed statements of agreement. Apparently, it _was_ too much to ask.

"Well, I might as well give him a proper funeral," Lee said sadly. He wrapped Whiny up in his blanket, dumped out the nearest trash can, which was mostly filled with razor wrappers, bloodied up razors and empty sake bottles, and put Jerk Ass inside, crying uncontrollably the whole time.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to bid our fond farewells to Uchiha Sasuke. Some would call him a Pompous Ass, a Cocky Git, an Angst Monkey, but I call him Sasuke, even though I probably have as much reason or more to call him insulting, but fitting names, but if I did, Sakura would never like me. I'm not sure if I can say, 'Rest in Heaven.' because I do no think really think that you are going there, but I highly doubt that it would be appropriate for me to say, "Have fun in Hell." so I think I will just stay quiet on that . . ."

Lee's speech went on for a while longer like this, the poor thing crying all the way through. When he was finished, he put the lid back on the trash can and cried all the way to the bridge over the stream.

"Ashes to ashes, and dust to dust," he said solemnly. He threw the trash can containing The Dead Pompous Ass into the stream and watched it float away.

"If anyone asks, Neji did it."

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**A/N: (pats Lee on the head) Don't feel bad, you did the right thing. (To everybody else) And that's Lee's kill! Even though it was more of an accident. Youth rules!** **Please review!**


	4. The Sound Ninja Four and Kimimaro's Kill

The Sound Ninja Four and Kimimaro's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

**A/N: It's been a while since I've added a chapter to this. I don't even know why I'm putting it up during exams. (It's because I never study until the hour before, unless even I can't still figure it out. -People die due to my lack of understanding- Yeah, Near, L doesn't quite fully understand quadratic equations. Oh, hell, I can't even fully remember what they are. At least I'm not partially delirious this time.) So good luck to all you taking exams this week. (Then it's time to disappear. -cries because I don't really wanna transfer to a new high school even if Near is coming with me-) Anyways, enjoy The Sound Ninja Four and Kimimaro's kill!! My mom gave me this idea when she asked, "Why are they putting postage stamps on that barrel?" I think the whole group should count as one, because I'm too lazy to write out a whole bunch of individual deaths and it just seems more natural. -goes home and cries some more due to end of school year- Now I know how L must have felt!!**

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"You need me to do what?" said Angsty Backstabber.

Sakon held out a vile of small pills. "The transition to Level Two Curse Mark can kill you. Take one of these and you will be temporarily dead."

_No way am I dying,_ the Emo thought, proving that he had not been reading this story. "So I'm dead, then what?"

"Then we put you in this barrel thing of ours so you don't die," Sakon explained, patting the top of the barrel thing that he was speaking of somewhat affectionately.

"But – "

"JUST TAKE THE DAMN PILL!! DO YOU WANT POWER, OR NOT?!"

The Oblivious Ass' eyes widened. "Power? I'm in!" he then swallowed the pill without further argument or question.

"Quick! Get him in!" Sakon shouted. The Sound Ninja Four quickly sealed him inside the barrel.

"Heh, heh, loser," Tayuya mused. "He comes from a small town, but he doesn't even recognize a roofie when he sees one."

"Well, they don't have any good clubs here," Kidomaru replied.

"They don't?! What kind of sick joke is this?!"

"Hey, if you two are done fighting, there are two guys in the bushes after us . . . ."Jirobo stated.

Sakon turned his head to the bushes. "Hey! Wait your own turns to kill the dense idiot off!"

A couple of groans rose up from the foliage.

"Now where were we?" Sakon asked.

"Sticking postage stamps on it, duh," Tayuya answered.

"Great! I'll write the address on top." He pulled out a black Sharpie and started writing on top of the barrel.

**PLEASE SEND AROUND THE WORLD**

**BUT DO NOT OPEN FOR HELL OR HIGH WATER**

Sakon smiled at his work. _This'll teach Lord Orochimaru to play favorites, _he thought to himself.

Jirobo hauled the barrel containing our least favorite raven-haired git onto his back, and The Sound Ninja Four began to walk towards the nearest post box. When they finally reached one, they realized something.

"It won't fit," Kidomaru pointed out as Jirobo and Sakon futilely tried to stuff the barrel through the tiny mail slot.

"Well, thank you, Captain Obvious," Tayuya stated sarcastically. They then decided that it would be much easier to just hand it over to whoever was working behind the counter at the local post office.

When they arrived at one, Jirobo put the emo container down with a satisfying thud.

The Lady looked at them with a raised eyebrow. "Just what are you mailing?"

Kidomaru dropped a bag full of gold coins (that they recently mugged off a guy) on the desk. "Does this answer your question?"

The Lady's eyes widened. She swiped the money off the counter. "Yes, very much so."

Kidomaru smiled. "Great, we need to send this thing in any given direction for the longest time possible. And nobody can open this understand?"

The Lady nodded her head quickly. "Yep." She quickly stamped it and took it to the back room. "What the hell is in this thing? Dead bodies?!"

"Not yet, anyway," Sakon muttered to himself.

The Lady carelessly dumped it on a conveyor belt (The Sound Ninja Four had also written on it, "Not Fragile. Do whatever the hell you want with it.") which carried Ass-Face into a room full of other packages on conveyor belts. Emo Loser was shaken around violently getting all sorts of bumps and bruises and even a black eye, because The Sound Ninja Four had been too cheap to pay for anything better than fourth class (it exists now) and didn't bother with securing the cargo. After the Conveyor Belt Ride of Pain was over, Angst Monkey was tossed into the back of an airplane which flew over the Land of Fire. After a few hours of flying, Barrel Boy finally woke up.

"Do I get my power now?" he asked groggily.

There was no answer besides the sound of the airplanes engines. He hit the top of the barrel only to find that it was stuck on tight and there were at least three other big and heavy boxes on top of him.

"Aw, dammit."

After a few days of flying, Cockatoo Head was beginning to loose it. Mostly in the sense that he had developed a sense of claustrophobia and a fear of airplanes crashing and exploding.

'This is an awful small container," he said nervously to himself. "I hope it doesn't get any smaller or the plane blows up . . . . " He stopped talking and pulled himself into the fetal position as images of his body being crushed by a shrinking barrel and fiery explosions crossed his mind.

After a few weeks of flying, the Whiner could have been classified as a crazy person.

"The nasty little ninjasess are goings to gets our sharingansess," Gollum Reborn said, still in the fetal position. Or just about as close to a fetal position that he could get considering that he ate his own leg to cease dying of starvation. This could have explained why he was looney bin material, for the act of eating himself could have given him Mad Cow Disease. "If onlys we could gets frees!"

Suddenly, the cargo hatch opened and Mad Emo was thrust from the plane, pummeling to Earth at one hundred and fifty miles per hour. However, the impact that created the biggest earthquake in existence didn't kill him off.

Kimimaro looked up from his lawn chair on the deck of his house in Prince Edward Island (After nobody bothered to come and fight him, because nobody cared about Sasuke, he decided to move to Canada for the international health care and to P.E.I. for the Anne of Green Gables theme.) And walked over to the crater that was formed by the impact.

"I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT!!" Nut Job screeched loudly as he dragged himself out of the now destroyed beyond repair barrel.

Kimimaro was confused and surprised at this and decided to do what he did best: kill off the crazy person.

"You must drink a lot of milk!" the Jerry Springer Candidate declared as Kimimaro took a bone to his throat. He slashed Emo's throat killing him in seconds. Then he hid his corpse in the basement of the Anne of Green Gables Museum. (One day, some Anne fan who hasn't realized that Anne is a fictional character would say, "Holy crap! Look what she did to Gilbert, eh!")

"I still can't believe that Lord Orochimaru wanted the one-legged crazy person for his new body," he said as he turned back yo his copy of "Anne of Avonlea". "If anybody asks, that sand kid and his green friend did it."

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**A/N: And that's The Sound Ninja Four and Kimimaro's kill!! Please review!**


	5. The Akatsuki's Kill

The Akatsuki's Kill

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but I do own the bean bag chair mentioned in this chapter.

**A/N: In the words of Bender, I'm back, baby! And since a lot of you have asked that the Akatsuki do our least-favorite ninja in, here it is! Isn't popular demand a beautiful thing? Lol! And if you have never watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show, you have to watch it at least once, it's such an acid trip. And you'll get some of the jokes.**

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It was a lazy day in the den of the Akatsuki's not-so-secret hideout. With the exception of Itachi, the members of the Akatsuki were sprawled out over the room and the old furniture that they had previously salvaged from sidewalks on garbage days (They had to fight a hoard of bums for the couch). Among the acquired tables and chairs, they had managed to save the greatest treasure of all; a black leather bean bag chair that was held together with duct tape (like everything else was) to keep the little beads from falling out and making a mess all over the floor. The bean bag was one of Pein's most prized possessions and he frequently made good use of it as he landed his leaderly ass in it whenever he could.

Today was a good example of that as he flipped through the channels on their stolen cable of their near-death television set which was bought at a flea market for a quarter. Eventually, he stopped flipping (due to Konan's constant nagging) and put the Rocky Horror Picture Show DVD in the player for the up-teenth time that day, ignoring Deidara's howls of protest.

"No, please! Not this again, un!" he cried.

"Why not, Frankenfurter-sempai?" Tobi asked.

Deidara picked up a lamp that was missing its shade, screamed bloody murder, and ran after Tobi in an attempt to bash his mask-donned head in. "That's why, you little bastard!"

"You know, if you didn't look like a girl, you wouldn't have this problem," Kisame pointed out.

"Hey, this hair is like, my baby, un!" he exclaimed, still chasing after Tobi.

"Whatever," Hidan said. "I'm sexier than you, though."

Deidara stopped immediately as Tobi scampered away to the cupboard under the stairs, a lá Harry Potter. "Are not, un!" he yelled.

"Am, too."

"Are not!"

"Am, too."

"Deidara's sexier! End of story!"

Deidara and Hidan turned their heads to see Sasori on his feet, pointing a finger towards them. However, as he saw his fellow members look at him quizzically, he lowered his arm and sheepishly backed away. "Mostly because I built his arms," he added.

"Arms do not make a person sexy," Hidan said.

"Knock it off, or I'll make you all watch Zetsu's Barbie movie collection!" Pein threatened, desperately wanting the conversation to die.

Tobi stuck his head out of the cupboard door. "Barbie?!" he repeated hopefully.

"Get back in the closet, un!"

Tobi gave out a little yelp of fright, then disappeared back into the cupboard, pulling the door closed behind him.

"Well, I'm going to get a coke," Pein said. "You want anything, Konan?"

"Get me a coke, too, please," she said.

Pein stood up to go to the kitchen, leaving his precious bean bag chair entirely vulnerable to the other members of the Akatsuki and all their shenanigans. However, all of the Akatsuki knew that so much as touching the prized black leather would fill Pein up with so much rage that he would reduce them all to bloody smears on the floor, let alone the chaos that sitting in it would bring them.

But the outside world was totally oblivious to this little fact.

The other members all turned their heads to the sound of the front door being kicked open. "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any!" Kakuzu shouted. However, the visitor wasn't a salesperson. Not even an Avon lady. Standing there was none other than The Walking-Talking Angst Bucket himself.

"Itachi!!" he shouted. "I will kill you and – Hey! The Rocky Horror Picture Show!"

Then the Raven-Haired Twit did what no man should have ever done. He walked into the room and sat down. But could he have sat on the _couch_? Or the _floor_? Oh, no, my friends. Our Soon-To-Be-Departed Emo parked his big, fat, emo ass right into Pein's ever so beloved black leather bean bag chair. And if that wasn't bad enough, he just had to go and make himself _comfortable. _Comfortable in such a way that it _destroyed _Pein's original ass imprint!

There shall be blood tonight. Oh, yes, there shall be blood.

Pein felt his entire world come crashing down upon him. It crashed down on him with so much force in fact that he experienced what happened next in slow motion!

He let the cans of soda slip from his hands and fall ever so slowly onto the tiled floor. He ran as fast as he could to the scene of the disgrace to rip the throat out of the whiney youth, but to him, he was going slower than the actors in a Baywatch episode. When he finally reached Angsty Pants in his precious chair, he lunged for him and pushed him off, knocking him to the ground. Then he proceeded to bitch-slap him repeatedly even after the Git's blood was splattered gracefully all over the walls. Then his limbs were ripped off and cast aside as Pein cried out unto his brethren to assist him in the annihilation of the Pompous Ass, unto which they all were more than obliged. Sasori attacked him with puppets, Deidara threw clay bombs at him, Zetsu ate his detached limbs, Tobi was being annoying, Hidan was slashing him up with his scythe, Kisame slashed him with his sword, Kakuzu was rummaging through his pockets for loose change, Pein continued his bitch-slapping fest, and Konan just ever so simply beat him up. It wasn't until the Angst Monkey was near death that the door opened yet again, only this time, a shaft of shining light shot forth.

At first, Dying Loser thought that he was gazing upon the tunnel to the afterlife, but at a second glance, he saw that the source of light was none other than his older brother, Itachi!

And if this wasn't confusing enough for the Crappiest Avenger, considering that up until then, he always considered Itachi of the ultimate evil and darkness that must be destroyed, what Itachi said next completely left his thoughts in disarray.

"Oh, my precious, darling, baby brother!" Itachi called, gracefully running towards him, arms outstretched. "Oh, my goodness! Look at how much you've grown! And so handsome! But I guess that would be my fault. Ha ha ha!"

"Wait! This isn't right!" The Confused Bastard cried out. "You killed the entire clan! You're evil! You hate me! I'm supposed to avenge everyone!"

"Tut, tut! Sasuke!" Itachi said, still glowing as he hugged his little brother tightly. "You see, after watching my weight's worth of Dr. Phil tapes, I know that I have been a poor excuse for a big brother, and I want to make it up to you! I'm going to take you to amusement parks and teach you how to play sports, and drive a car, and pick up women! But I bet you have to beat the girls off with a stick, right? That's my brother! The little ladies' man! But I'm going to be the best big brother ever! And I'm also going to become a good, respectable member of society! I've even started volunteering at the community centre every Saturday!"

The Shocked Whiner couldn't believe his ears. Now his whole reason for living was practically ruined! His head spun around with confusions and anguish. So greatly in fact, that his head actually exploded, killing him instantly. It was a big mess, too, with blood and guts and gore splattered everywhere within a one hundred meter radius (except for the black leather bean bag chair, of course). Then there was silence in the room for a full minute.

" . . . Tobi did it, un, " Deidara said suddenly.

"Tobi did not do it, sempai!"

"No! It was me! I have ended his life with my affections of brotherly love!"

"Kakuzu did it then."

"Nuh-uh! It was Konan!"

"What?! You did _not_ just blame _my _girl!"

"_Your _girl?! Are you cheating on me, Konan?!"

"No, Pein! It's not like that! I swear!"

"I cannot believe that I have killed my one and only – Hey, look! It's The Rocky Horror Picture Show!"

And so the Akatsuki spent out the rest of their days watching Tim Curry dressed up in women's clothing, and Zetsu ate what was left of the Dead Emo's corpse with mashed potatoes and wild mushroom sauce, and did the Time Warp to burn off all the calories.

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**A/N: And that's the long anticipated Akatsuki's kill! I hope that it was worth the wait! And I have a little problem concerning this story. You see, I am running out of insulting, but fitting names to refer to Sasuke as. If anybody has any ideas, please leave them in your reviews, pm me, do anything! It will be greatly appreciated! Really! I'll give credit and everything! And like always, please review!**


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